Last week, I met with a stellar young lady who only enjoys a certain aspect of her job and really wanted to do more of it. I asked: “So, when are you going to talk to your boss and ask for more of that type of work?” Her response was: “Oh, my boss knows I’m good at it and I know we’ll get more of this work coming in. I don’t have to say anything.”
Is this you? Is there something you want and you are waiting for someone to hand it to you? In my best Dr. Phil voice, “How is that working out for you?”
I’m guessing not well.
Let me make this clear. If you don’t ask for what you want, you increase your chances of never getting it. But we women get seduced into believing we are not supposed to speak up and ask for what we want. And whenever we do, we believe others are wondering who we think we are to ask for so much more than what is presented?
So, you keep silent and suffer for fear you’ll disappoint or upset someone. In fact, I guarantee you’ve, at one time in your life, thought: “I don’t want to say anything because I know it’ll come out wrong.” I hear this all the time from my clients and my friends. And, when I hear this I usually think so what? But right now I’m wondering what does that phrase even really mean? It’s just an excuse to stay small.
But, I did ask…
So, there was this one time you asked and you didn’t get what you wanted. Okay, ask someone else!
And there was another time when you asked and the person never got back to you. Okay, ask again! Our first thought when someone doesn’t get back to us is that they don’t want to do what was requested. And that is not necessarily true. (And honestly if they don’t and it’s something you want and you’re not hurting anyone, ask again!)
As much as you’d like to think so, you are not the first concern of everyone. Yes, your concerns are at the top of your list but the rest of the world has other things on the brain that has nothing to do with you. (I know, the audacity of some people!) But seriously, you have no idea what is going on in someone’s life, they could have just forgotten about you. And there is nothing wrong with you reminding them of your request.
Just ask, and allow the situation to unfold, instead of not asking because you’ve already determined the answer is no. You don’t know until you ask.
Stop rejecting yourself and start speaking up. Because waiting around for someone else to guess what you want is pretty lazy on your part. It is no one else’s job to look out for you and your needs. The responsibility is all yours.
And when you don’t ask for what you want, don’t be upset, surprised or complain when you don’t get it. You only have yourself to blame.