Is your honesty really an excuse to be mean?

So many times, I hear people say, “I’m just being honest.” And, it’s usually their defense after they’ve said something mean and want to use “being honest” as a way to explain their rudeness.

Watch today’s video and let me know your thoughts.

Are people just being honest or are they being just plain mean?

About ChaChanna

  • Yes lawd! I was just having this conversation this morning! Personally, I think our language leaves room to be both honest and tactful, it’s down to whether the intent is to help or to hinder.

    • ChaChanna

      You are absolutely right, Halima! It is about the intent behind it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  • DjRelAt7

    I am not sure if it because of the recent rise of “reality tv” that has everyone wanting to “be honest” and looking for ratings, but it is definitely not an excuse for being mean. If you’re giving advice and its mean, is it really advice? If a friend after telling me she wants to pursue a singing career and I say “don’t quit your day job, just being honest” that is NOT advise. “I see a lot of people working with vocal coaches, have you ever thought of that?” Now you’ve given the suggestion that maybe they could further their pursuit with possibly hiring a vocal coach…you’re not shooting down their dreams or their goals and maybe with a little practice and guidance in the right direction from a professional who works in the field, their dreams of being a singer might be one step closer. There is that saying that I was try and remember before I speak, if you can’t say anything nice then do not say anything at all. THINKING before you speak is a great way to avoid “being honest”.

    • ChaChanna

      I agree Dj! So many people want to through their opinion our there at the expense of someone else. I actually have learned to not speak if what I am about to say is not going to contribute to the conversation. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Anna Runyan

    No, I’d say there are times when it is better to be straight-forward but I believe there are various ways to express an opinion with honesty. That’s a great advice, Chachanna!

  • nolana plume

    Hi ChaChanna! I think one of the problems with using the phrase, “I’m just being honest” is that it somehow is now qualifying Opinion as The Indisputable Truth. After all, wouldn’t being honest be equivalent to telling the truth?

    When people say, “just being honest,” it seems to be an assertion that whatever they have said is truth, not opinion. This is especially tough if the person is using “honesty” to persuade us somehow.
    Some people are just being mean, some are manipulating us, some think it’s completely inoffensive, some are actually trying to share their opinion.
    In the end, the only thing that matters is that we are each, every day, connecting as best we can to our own truth and finding solid ground there. Then it doesn’t matter how mean or persuasive those negative destabilizing forces become.
    We have to flex/exercise that Centering “muscle” every day. Even for just a few moments.

    • ChaChanna

      Hi Nolana! Thank you for stopping by! I like the way you put it that the phrase is “somehow is now qualifying Opinion as The Indisputable Truth.” I hadn’t thought of it like that. Great point!