A common question I get from chronic people pleasers is, “What’s wrong with being a people pleaser? I like helping people.” And you may be wondering the same thing so I figure it’s time I explain myself.
When you are constantly putting others needs ahead of your own–yes, moms, this includes children too–you are sending out the message that you are not as important as everyone else. You deserve fourth class. If you are a people pleaser you find it difficult to say no to your family, friends, co-workers, etc. You rarely speak up for yourself because you don’t want to cause any problems, it’s just easier to go with the flow. You also usually refuse help, even when you could really use it. And then get upset when people no longer offer to help because they know you are going to say no.
This is part of the Superwoman complex. You’ve built yourself up so much in your mind as the perfect woman who can handle any and everything, without help. Just ask you and you will take care of it. People depend on you and you like that feeling.
Overtime, people begin expecting you to go out of your way to do things for them, and when you can’t live up to that standard 100% of the time, you get down on yourself and feel guilty about it.
On the flip side, you never take off your cape and find time to do what makes you happy. It can always wait until later, and in some cases, years may go by and still later hasn’t appeared. You see time passing and realize you are helping everyone else reach their goals while you stay stagnant.
This leads to you feeling resentment and taken advantage of. You start passive aggressively taking it out on others when you should be taking it out on yourself because you created this monster. It’s not their fault. It’s yours.
But that’s stellar news because if you created it, you can discreate it.
Your stellar assignment
Very simple today!
Ask yourself: “Self, am I a chronic people pleaser?”
If the answer is no. Stellar for you!
If it’s yes, then ask, “Self, is me being a people pleaser sometimes getting in the way of me doing what I want?
If the answer is no, Stellar for you again!
If it’s yes, then ask yourself, “What am I going to do about it?
And then go do just that.