Recently, I read a post on Positively Positive: Does Your Story Empower You? It’s about how we take the facts in our lives and create a story that either empowers us to move forward or makes us feel helpless. There was a story about a man who is successful in business and has his health under control but his story when it comes to relationships is that he is not cut out for them. And I realized he and I have similar stories.
My story is more that I don’t trust myself to find a good boyfriend. It’s not because I believe he doesn’t exist, he does, I KNOW he does. (And let me be clear, that I don’t believe there is only one person for us. I believe there are many versions of “the one” for us throughout the world and we either find them and connect or don’t.) It’s that I am totally incapable of finding him and attracting him. And it’s so shameful to admit because in my day job, I’m the best; in my business, I am stellar; my looks, I’m perfection and I know it. But when it comes to relationships, that’s where my gremlin lies and the mindhoarding begins.
In my past, I have been known to date some sketchy characters. And as a result, I’ve created the story that if I like a person, he must be an asshole. But for the rest of this year, I am working on changing and creating a new story because if I keep with the story I have I will forever continue to attract the assholes in the world and prevent the opportunity of finding the one I can be happy with.
I’m sharing this for my fellow single ladies who may be in the same boat with me or maybe those who are in unfulfilling relationships (You can leave whenever you want.). This is also not limited to romantic relationships. You could be afraid to make platonic friends because you’re previous friends were so needy and draining you were exhausted when you hung out with them or maybe they continue to withdraw from the relationship and not contribute. Just because (and I’m writing this for myself too!) it happened in the past, doesn’t mean it has to continue to be that way.
Your stellar assignment
Let’s be bold together! If you are afraid to date or seek out new friendships and the only reason you are not doing it is out of fear, you’ll never get over your fear by letting it paralyze you. So, if you are looking to form new relationships, like me, then here are some steps to move forward. (I’m taking the steps as well.)
1.) Be clear on what type of relationship you are looking for. Not just the qualities you are looking for in a person you want to date but also the qualities you want in your relationship. (What do you want to do together? How do you want to interact with each other? How would your relationship feel? What would you do on the weekends? What would make you feel valued in the relationship?)
2.) Then get clear on what mindhoarding you are doing. What are the limiting beliefs do you have about you and your relationships? What stories are you telling yourself?
3.) Start cleaning that up and revise the story you’re telling yourself.
This is not going to change overnight. It’s a process for you and me to work on but when we keep with it I have faith we’ll start seeing opportunities to create lasting, rewarding relationships.
Who’s with me?